Might have been....

This time every year I get into a "what might have been" little moment. I teach life science to 7th graders and this is the time of year that we do the reproductive system. The kids call it "sex ed." We have little models of the development of the human fetus. The kids love to see the different stages of how they actually looked and how quickly we go from some time of alien looking creature to a sweet little baby. They are constantly amazed at how tiny they were and how quickly they grew.

So how does that get me in the "might have been's?" I have been through quite a few miscarriages. There is one model that is actual size of the stage of development that most of my children made it to. So I find myself thinking about how things would be different if these little creatures had actually been able to grow and develop like they should have. Were they girls? Were they boys? What would they look like and how would they behave? All just speculation because it wasn't meant to be.

I don't really wish that my life was any different. I can't imagine what my nerves would be like with 5 or 6 kids and I can NOT imagine life without my adopted son. But sometimes the "What if's" and the "could have been's" enter my mind. And I realize I have everything I need and most things I want. Life is good. Life is happy. And I wouldn't change anything because if I could change it I would not be the person I am right now. And I like that person.